FaeMail: Outtakes
by marti-n-danika
Summary: Random intrusions of the FaeMail characters into our everyday lives. Beware the utter insanity of it all. Completely unnecessary to the reading of Fwd: Fwd: FaeMail. Just for fun.
1. The Emergence of J & S

**Disclaimer: **None of the authors involved in this story claim ownership of _Labyrinth_ or any of the characters originally found within.

xXx

**Danika's Note: **Much like _FaeMail: Behind the Scenes_, _FaeMail: Outtakes_ is further proof of the how completely _F:F:FM_ has taken over our brains. Often, while Marti and I are having a perfectly ordinary email conversation, Sarah and Jareth will butt in. Usually they end up either fighting or making out. That's Sarah and Jareth for you.

These bits of nonsense are not actually related to the _F:F:FM_ story at all (though they often occur as Marti and I are discussing plot elements). They are in absolutely no way necessary to your reading of _F:F:FM_. Again, we just thought we'd share because... well, they can be pretty dang funny.

This seems to be the first emergence of Jareth and Sarah into our conversations. You will see evidence here that Marti never listens to what I tell her story-wise. (I said _don't_ make her blow herself up!) Things get much more... heated... as the characters appear more often.

xXx

**Marti**: What is Jareth's natural ability? Is it Chaos, like Toby?

**Danika**: Strongly Chaos, but he's a Mage so he can use all elements, though his abilities with Order are weaker. Toby, who is only of sorcerer ability, is almost entirely Chaos, which is unusual. Bethany is the exact opposite, being almost entirely Order. That's why she's such a good potential healer. Sarah is very remarkable in that she is incredibly strong in both Order and Chaos, the two most challenging and opposing elements.

**Marti**: Ah, okay. Thanks!

**Danika**: Sound good? Makes sense? Works with the plot and all?

**Marti**: Works well for me. 7:-D

**Danika**: ...that looks evil.

**Marti**: Oh, it is a little. Just a little.

**Danika**: Well whatever you're plotting, just remember that Sarah does not know where her powers lie at this time- heck, even Jareth doesn't know. He won't be able to tell until he deals with her in person.

**Marti**: Oh, that's fine. I just wanted to have some sort of excuse to make things go wrong (or right) from time to time, when Sarah's really angry or something. Thaaat's all. (:-D

**Danika**: Oooh, devious. Just don't make her blow herself up, ok?

**Marti**: DANG! That was my NEXT plot device!! :-P

**Danika**: That's ok. She can blow up her coffee maker or something. That would probably be equally devastating.

**Jareth**: Or better yet, she could blow up Rob.

**Marti**: Oh... don't worry. If Jareth gets her angry enough... she'll cause some sort of problem.

**Sarah**: Someone's been snorting Maybeline.

**Danika**: If she's not angry enough now, I'm almost afraid to know what it would take.

**Jareth**: How do you know my 2nd cousin??

**Marti**: She's angry now... and she's having a few problems... but it's the Hoggle thing that'll throw her over the edge.

**Sarah**: Oh, go back to playing with your Barbies.

**Danika**: Such a temper, really.

**Jareth**: Look who's talking. You think I don't know that your room is still full of stuffies?

**Sarah**: Better stuffies than an overstuffed sock drawer. Don't think I haven't heard what the goblins say.

**Jareth**: I assure you, Precious, the goblins are simply jealous.

**Sarah**: Say that enough, and it might become true, like the Little Engine That Could. "_I think I can, I think I can..."_

**Jareth**: Oh Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. I _know_ I can. And I'm _more_ than willing to prove it. 7:-D

**Marti**: ... Well... the creepy factor on character's writing themselves is going quite high, I'd say. Oh, gosh, this is getting _bad_... but... _she says what she wants! _

**Sarah**: Down, boy. Go curl up with your chew toys and _dream on_.

**Danika**: I was wondering where this was coming from. Not really _you_, you know.

**Jareth**: Oh, I will. I _will_. You were not interested in seeing your own dreams, would you like for me to show you mine? 7:-9

**Marti**: Ditto. It's... freakish. OO It's not even very _Lydia_ like. Crazy... (Note: Lydia is Marti's evil alternate personality)

**Sarah**: If I actually cared to watch _exaggerated_ concepts, I'd subscribe to cable. Much less juvenile and all that.

**Danika**: It's quite amusing, really.

**Jareth**: You know, my dear, I could continue to argue this all day, but it occurs to me to wonder why you are so concerned in the first place? Hmm?

**Marti**: You think so? Oh, good heavens... _she's says what she wants..._

**Sarah**: Oh, trust me, I'm not concerned. I don't let _little_ things bother me. I was just out to get at you for saying I should blow Rob up.

**Danika**: Definitely.

**Jareth**: Poor Sarah. You've always been a delusional little thing. I tell you what, if you feel like it would be too much effort, I would be happy to blow him up for you. I am, after all, a generous man.

**Sarah**: You so much as blow up a single hair on his head, and I will make sure you sing soprano - _permanently_.

**Danika**: Does it seem like _our_ conversation has become just an excuse to continue _their_ conversation?

**Jareth**: -_snort_- I've seen the man, Sarah. There are not that many hairs to choose from.

**Marti**: Yes... it does seem that way, doesn't it?

**Sarah**: He has plenty. Not everyone can have a ratted-up fluff-mullet, you know.

**Danika**: Rather pathetic, wouldn't you say?

**Jareth**: Enough for a naked mole rat. -_smirk_- Deny it as you like, my sweet, but you like my hair. And you like my ruffles. And you like my... _socks_. You could never settle for someone as ordinary as Rob. It's just not you.

**Marti**: Oh, yes, very.

**Sarah**: Now who's delusional?? -_snort_-

**Danika**: So... cough How bout them... killer whales?

**Jareth**: -_just continues smirking-_

**Marti**: And did you see that sky today? Talk about blue!

**Sarah**: -_deadpan stare_- ... -_disdainful sniff_-

**Danika**: Actually, it was kind of mucky brown. :-/

**Jareth**: -_chortles_-


	2. String Cheese

**Disclaimer: **None of the authors involved in this story claim ownership of _Labyrinth_ or any of the characters originally found within.

xXx

**Danika's Note: **A short and rather less than thrilling Outtake today. But next time we will begin the Cookie Adventure. Ooh, the Cookie Adventure… -_chortle-_

xXx

**Danika**: I am so tired today. I blame Jareth. He kept me up late last night working on _F:F:FM_.

How are you doing?

**Marti**: I'm slightly on the tired side, but doing okay. Took time to clear out my inbox, so that was good.

**Danika**: That's good. Any chance of an email before lunch?

...I need to email Mumsie and see if she'll be writing soon. Jareth needs to unload before his poor little head explodes.

**Marti**: Eh… probably not before lunch. Sorry.

Ooh. Exciting.

**Danika**: Not really. For the most part he's just going to yell a lot about how stupid Sarah is and how much she annoys him.

**Marti********: **Gee, thanks.

**Danika**: Well... It'll be along the lines of, "She said I make her feel _worthless!_ Can you believe that? Of all the idiotic... as if she's not one of the only people in that entire pathetic world of hers that _is_ worth something! As if the bloody girl doesn't consistently astound and confound me!"

Yadda, yadda, yadda, why does she get under his skin like no one else has ever managed? He wants to throttle her.

**Marti**: Ahahaha!! Okay, well, that amuses me. XD

**Danika**: I thought it would. Poor Jareth, he's so out of his depth.

**Marti********: **Hee.

**Danika**: Yeah well, look who's giggling. Remind me again who recently wrote about how he was 'kind of an ex' and he, what were her words? Something about how he'd managed to really get into her heart in that time?

**Marti********: **Yeah, yeah, I know. Sarah's fighting a really intense internal struggle. When Jareth came back, saying that he wanted to be her friend and all that, she was really flattered. It felt good to have a justification for her old attraction to him – that he wasn't the villain he'd appeared to be, so she shouldn't feel bad about having been attracted to him when she'd run the Labyrinth (and in the years that followed). But, then, he started bringing Toby Underground and not telling her about it (if he'd come to her in the first place, pleaded his case about Toby's magic and being dangerous to the boy's health, she probably would have consented with only a small fight.) it appeared that he was really trying to sneak Toby away or something. She was hurt that he'd deceived her, so she began to question the villain thing again, and feel angry…

Now… she's torn between _really _wanting to like him, wanting to get to know him better, and her fear that she'll be duped and tricked. It's a valid fear, I think, because she's absolutely petrified of losing Toby, again, and ultimately having failed. She feels like she's being emotionally tossed all over the place.

That, and _dang_, Jareth's drop-dead-sexy in her memory. It's really not helping matters.

**Danika**: Poor confused Sarah. I think they both need swimming lessons. And just so you know, I could _not_ help it.

**Jareth**: -_ahem-_ Jareth is not _only_ drop-dead-sexy in _memory_, thank you very much.

**Marti**: Agreed. They're both rather out of their elements. Oh, and I know. That much I fully understand.

**Sarah**: That's the thing about memories. They always make things seem grander and more important than they really are. Oh, if you'd like, you are welcome to _drop-dead_.

**Danika**: It's like... they're taking over our brains. It's a darned good thing I was already evil. What if we'd given _you_ Jareth? It could be chaos!

**Jareth**: Actually, I tend to find that peoples' memories of me (no matter how wonderful and _drop-dead sexy_) tend to pale compared to the real thing. Likely their minds simply cannot contain that much magnificence. Poor things.

**Marti**: Oh, gosh, my Jareth wouldn't have been able to stand up against you if you were Sarah. My Jareth is too nice… my latest GK&I stuff is kinda proof of that, isn't it?

**Sarah**: I agree. If they think you're magnificent, they really are pitiable.

**Danika**: -_snerk-_ Can you imagine?! This story would be _so_ different if you and I had opposite parts. I think my Sarah would be completely swept away immediately by your Jareth (she's usually kind of bitchy in my stories to stand up to my jerk-wad Jareth). They'd probably email about four times, fall madly in love, collapse into each others arms, down curtain.

HA!

**Jareth**: _-pouts-_ Why are our conversations always centered on the inadequacies you perceive in me?

**Marti**: Sometime, we should try that. Not now, because… urgh, talk about conflicting ideas, but someday we ought to try the reverse and see how things go. You _do_ get all squiggly when I write Jareth doing sweet things for Wren and all that.

**Sarah**: You would prefer to talk about something else? I vote for string cheese.

**Danika**: It would be a lot of fun! But not now. oo

**Jareth**: I like it! I like to shred the top of a string cheese and make it look like my hair. Of course, then I can never bear to eat it. Such a pity.

**Marti**: You almost ready for food? All this talk of cheese is making me hungry.

**Sarah**: Food sculptures of yourself? Wow… how vain. It's cheese… I just eat it.

**Danika**: Lemme finish this note and I'll be down.


	3. The Box

**Disclaimer**: None of the authors involved in this story claim ownership of _Labyrinth_ or any of the characters originally found within.

xXx

**Danika's** **Note**: Danged Rob...

xXx

From: flyfishing4life(a)yahoo com

Sent: Tuesday, July 1, 2008 3:08pm

To: fairiesbyte(a)yahoo com

Subject: RE: Two ships, passing in the hall

Hey Rob,

Your _motto_? Lol - you're such a dork. I love it. You're the perfect person for the Postal Service.

Ah... I know. You're right. I've got to just be an adult and move on with my life. I've been thinking about it all morning, just trying to let it go... After all, that's the point he's trying to make to me. He wants to move past all that, so... I should too. I'm just so afraid that he's lying to me... but to what purpose? Yeah, I keep coming to that point. He's got nothing to gain anymore. Maybe it was just too easy to fall back on all those feelings. Give up or get up. I'll get up, and move on. Thanks.

Oh, I hate putting you out on the fishing!! Gosh... I'll make it up to you, I swear it. Anything you want! Some super-mega-melt-in-your-mouth cookies, dinner, wash your car for the next three months, whatever - just name it! I'd be your personal hand-servant for this, especially if I'm making you miss out on the fishing season open. :-( And the only reason I'm asking at all is because you're right about Mrs. Wissotzky... last thing I need now is for her on my case about water leakage.

24 hours, got it. I'm pretty certain that my parents won't mind me staying over for the night - heaven knows my little brother would like it - so no worries.

Good gracious man, you call that forward? LOL - don't worry, I know what you meant. You're the best neighbor a girl could ask for. Polite, proper, and always a great friend. I mean it.

Sarah

P.S. He's very intelligent. Of course he listens... I'm not sure how much he _understands_ but he seems to be very attentive when I speak. I wish he'd be nice around... he's really very sweet. Always nuzzling my ear to wake me up and giving me little affectionate kisses. Melts me when he does that. Heh.

xXx

**Jareth**: Oh suuuuure, Precious. Tempt _him_ with cookies. -_pouts-_

**Sarah**: Read carefully. Technically, I'm tempting him with more than just cookies. -_smirks_-

**Jareth**: Why Sarah, I'm shocked. You're presenting yourself as quite the Jezebel.

**Sarah**: You think 'personal hand servant' means that? My, your mind is in the gutter!

**Jareth**: When it comes to you, Darling, always. 7:-9

**Sarah**: Perv.

**Jareth**: And proud of it.

**Sarah**: Obviously.

**Jareth**: You should take pride in everything you do. I practice daily, you know.

**Sarah**: Oh, I don't want to know.

**Jareth**: You're right, you probably don't. -_gets dreamy look_-

**Sarah**: Ew. Quit violating me with your eyes.

**Jareth**: If you wish, I can think of much more interesting things to violate you with.

**Danika**: AAGH! Jareth, this conversation is no longer work appropriate. SHUT UP.

**Marti**: AAACK!! We've got to separate these two, this is BAD!!

**Sarah**: I'm going to go take a shower. I feel all gross, now, thanks to Mr. Kinky-Eyes over there.

**Danika**: -_tackle's Jareth and stuffs him in a _box- Thanks Sarah! You just _had_ to mention a shower, didn't you?!

**Sarah**: Thank _you_ Danika... now I have a valid reason in claiming he stuffs-mmmph!

**Marti**: -_clamps hand over Sarah's mouth_- WE'RE NOT GOING THERE!!

**Danika**: -_sitting on a very angrily rattling box_- I don't know where you're heading with that, but are you trying to get us all killed?

**Marti**: Stop talking to her, it's only making things worse!

**Sarah**: -_wiggling_-

**Marti**: (_to Sarah_) Nu-uh. I SO don't think so.

**Danika**: ...we should just put her in the box with him and let them work it out on their own. I'm sure that, good or bad, it would be... volatile.

**Marti**: You think that would... do any good at all??

**Danika**: I figure they'd either kill each other or make little pointy-eared babies. Either way, they're out of our hair.

**Marti**: Fine with me. They're cannon characters after all, and are therefore going to end up together anyways... open the lid!

**Sarah**: -_struggles-_

**Danika**: Hang on... -_leans down to the air holes_- You gonna quiet down long enough for us to stick her in there?

**Sarah**: -_wiggles mouth free_- Oh, don't you DARE put me in there!!

**Marti**: Can it! -_covers mouth again_-

**Danika**: -_grabs the lid_- You ready?

**Marti**: -_grabs Sarah_- READY!

**Danika**: -_tenses_- You realize that if she gets out, she's gonna kill us both, right?

**Marti**: If she gets in there with him, I doubt he'll let her. They'll be too... occupied.

**Danika**: Ok... -_throws open the lid_-

**Marti**: -_pushes Sarah in_-

**Sarah**: -_braces feet on edges of box_-

**Marti**: Shoot.

**Jareth**: -_reaches out and tickles Sarah under her arms_-

**Sarah**: -_curls inward_- YEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH

**Marti**: -_shoves!-_

**Danika**: -_slams the lid down behind her_-

**Marti**: Quick! Can we... tape it shut or something??

**Danika**: Do you have any tape in your pocket??

**Marti**: erm... no...

**Danika**: All I have is a glue stick.

**Marti**: Well... try it.

**Danika**: ...but I was saving that for a snack...

**Marti**: Oh, come on, it'll only give you diarrhea.

**Danika**: -_pouts_- Fine.

...hang on a sec, do you hear that?

**Marti**: -_winces_- ... what?

**Danika**: It's a sort of... sucking sound...?

**Marti**: ... ew.


	4. The Cookie Incident

**Disclaimer: **None of the authors involved in this story claim ownership of _Labyrinth_ or any of the characters originally found within.

xXx

**Danika's Note: **Ah, the cookie incident. One of my personal favorites. Follows the day after 'The Box'. Sarah had just made a comment in an email to Rob implying that Jareth wore leopard print and/or tiger stripes. Yeah, I don't remember the context. Not important.

xXx

**Danika**: OMG THE IMAGE OF JARETH IN LEOPARD PRINT HAS KILLED MY BRAIN.

**Marti**: Imagine it... while he's _dancing_... Hee.

**Danika**: Could it... could it be a jumpsuit? -_zones-_ (Note: If you get this reference, you win awesome.)

**Marti**: No. but the Tiger striped one is.

**Danika**: -_drools_-

You know... I wish I weren't so overprotective about my Jareth figurines. My desk would look much better with a bit more Goblin King to it.

**Jareth**: Of course it would. Everything would look better with more Goblin King to it.

**Marti**: Aaaaahhh! The box has been opened!!

**Danika**: I didn't do it! He snuck out on his own!!

...where's Sarah? :-O

**Marti**: I don't know!! I haven't seen her!! Eep.

**Danika**: ...You've started putting a Marti:' in front of your words... That's _not_ a good sign...

**Marti**: I know... I thought I heard something... like the cocking of a shotgun...

**Danika**: ...I'm trying to decide if suggesting we hide behind Jareth would be our salvation or the worst move we could make...

**Marti**: I would say 'worst move', on that account.

**Sarah**: DANG STRAIT! Though, frankly, you're screwed either way. -_aims shotgun_-

**Danika**: Quick!! Give her cookies!!

**Marti**: -_offers cookies on plate_-

**Sarah**: -_still aiming_- Errhhh...

**Jareth**: -_pounces the cookies and goes off to a corner to happily stuff them in his cheeks_-

**Danika**: Welp, that's it. We're doomed.

**Marti**: -_ducks and cringes_-

**Sarah**: -_reaims at Jareth_- MY COOKIES!!

**Jareth**: -_glowers over his shoulder at her, shielding the cookies with his body, chocolate smears on his face. His fingers start wiggling ala crystal-summoning-_

**Danika**: -_inches towards Marti and whispers_- Maybe we should run while she's distracted?

**Marti**: _Go! Go go go go! _

**Sarah**: I said _my COOKIES!! -__squeezes trigger_-

**_POOF! GLITTER!_**

**Danika**: -_flees, screaming like a little girl_-

**Marti**: _AAAAAAHHHHHHH!! -__runs after Danika_-

**Sarah**: -_COUGHING_-

**Danika**: -_still running_- Where did she get that thing, anyway??

**Jareth**: -_through a mouthful of cookie_- That's a _lovely_ outfit on you, my dear.

**Marti**: -_shrugs_- Beats me.

**Sarah**: -_eyes ruffly dress_- Oh, you are so DEAD!! -_LUNGES WITH BARE HANDS_-

**Danika**: Seeing as we're in the infinite, featureless plain of an email, where exactly are we running to?

**Jareth**: -_waits with open arms_-

**Marti**: Haven't a clue.

**Sarah**: -_attacks with fingernails as claws_- YEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

**Danika**: We need something to hide behind.

**Jareth**: -_catches her at the wrists and neatly pulls her into his lap_- So, here we are again, Precious. -_smirks-_

**Marti**: Um... Um... I've got a recycle bin... but that's about it. You got anything?

**Sarah**: -_growls and grinds heel into top of his feet_-

**Danika**: -_pouts_- I have a fish. But... he _is_ an attack fish.

**Jareth**: That's the nice thing about these boots, love. -_holds a cookie up before her lips_-

**Marti**: Okay so we've got... shield an sword if we need it, then. Or... as close to those as we'll get.

**Sarah**: Oooh, cookie! -_bites glares at him while chewing_- I hate you.

**Danika**: ...dibs on the shield. I'm pretty sure LRH only has one good attack in him, then he'll just kind of... flop. (Note: Danika has a blue betta named Lord Royal Highness - LRH for short - on her desk at work. If you get that reference, you win _all_ awesome.)

**Jareth**: -_smirks and kisses her temple, leaving a chocolate smear_- I know.

**Marti**: Eh. This... this will only last until the cookies run out...

**Sarah**: Mmm... cookies... -_chews, oblivious_-

**Danika**: -_hysterical_- What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do? They'll work through those cookies in minutes!

**Jareth**: -looks _way happier than he has any right to_-

**Marti**: THE BOX!! Put them in the box again, while Sarah's all submissive!!

**Sarah**: Mmm... cookies... -_still chewing happily_-

**Danika**: That's right. _Shout_ it at her!

**Jareth**: -_blissfully waves a crystal to bring the box slamming up around them himself- -through the walls_- Jareth _likes_ the box...

**Marti**: -_snorts_- Um... crisis adverted?

**Sarah**: -_through the walls_- Hmm? Wait a minute... How the HELL did I get back in the box again!?

**Jareth**: -_in the box_- Hush, dear. Have another cookie.

**Sarah**: -_giggles stupidly_- Oookay... mmm, cookies...

**Danika**: What is it about cookies? Everyone... I... sudden burst of inspiration Cookies are the meaning of life...

**Marti**: Cookies are _maaaagical_.

**Danika**: Pfft. You missed your cue.

You're supposed to say, "Cookies? Cookies Tra la la?" To which I respond, "Do not mock the cookies!" (Note: If you get this reference, as Marti clearly did not, you win double awesome with whipped cream.)

**Marti**: Um... sorry.

**Danika**: That's ok. I have to forgive you. After all, you have a cookie for me...

...you didn't give her _my_ cookie, did you?

**Marti**: lifts wrapped cookie from behind back Shhh. I"ve still got it saved.

**Danika**: My hero!!


	5. Hatred

**Disclaimer: **None of the authors involved in this story claim ownership of _Labyrinth_ or any of the characters originally found within.

xXx

**Danika's Notes: **This bit falls right in the middle of the 'Shooty-poo' incident. Just before Sarah finds out about Toby's magic lessons.

xXx

**Marti**: And, speaking of her trash... -_snort_- I'm concerned that Jareth might find an empty Tampax box scattered somewhere near his throne.

**Danika**: As long as it's not an empty Trojan box, he can deal with it.

**Marti**: ... O rly? Now, I'm curious.

**Sarah**: Me, too -_grins evilly_-

**Marti**: What would he do if he found one?

**Danika**: Wait, found one what? Tampax or Trojan?

**Marti**: Either.

**Sarah**: Sheesh, why do you think I was grinning evilly??

**Danika**: If he found Tampax he probably wouldn't even have a clue what it was. If he investigated, he would be mildly embarrassed but deal with it. He's been around for a couple thousand years, after all. And he's not Rob.

If he found condoms, he would likely go on a murderous killing spree. Starting with Rob.

**Marti**: AAHAAHAAHA!!

**Sarah**: Aahahaahaa!! Almost makes me want to go buy some, just to throw in the trash!

**Marti**: Wait... come to think of it... that ain't so funny.

**Sarah**: Point. Still... -_grins_- I'm really quite flattered.

**Jareth**: -_crosses his arms and scowls_- It's not that funny.

**Danika**: -_snorts_- Actually, it really is.

**Sarah**: -_grins_-

**Marti**: Yeah... sorry, but it really is.

**Jareth**: Well, if you do go out and pick some up, could I borrow a couple? Maybe I'll convince Rel to visit for a bit. It _has_ been a while...

**Sarah**: -_starts to say something_-

**Marti**: NO! -_TACKLES AND STUFFS SARAH IN BOX_- WE ARE _SO_ NOT GOING THERE!!

**Sarah**: -_from inside box_- Wouldn't be able to spare a single one-

**Marti**: -_whacks box_- SHUT IT!!

**Sarah**: Ow!

**Jareth**: -_shrugs_- They would probably be too small anyway.

**Danika**: -_laughing too hard to worry about the box_-

**Marti**: _Aaaack!! -__covers ears_- _I don't need to be in this conversation!!_

**Sarah**: -_opens box and glowers_- Only if you intend to use them for your _ego_.

**Marti**: _Saaaaarah... please stop... you won't win this argument!! Not while you're in MY head, at least... aaaaaack!!_

**Jareth**: -_chortles_-

**Danika**: Right. Enough is enough. Go back and deal with your sick goblins.

**Jareth**: Nooooo!!

**Sarah**: -_points and laughs_- Ahahaa!! Go back to your pooper-scooper duty!

**Marti**: OY.

**Jareth**: That you so _kindly_ provided me with, thank you. How caring and compassionate you are towards your poor, ill _friends_.

**Danika**: -_face-smacks_-

**Sarah**: THEY STOLE MY TRASH!!

**Marti**: ...

**Jareth**: Anyone who deals with goblins on a regular basis should know to keep filth under lock and key. They're drawn to it like fairies to sugar.

**Sarah**: -_splutters_-

**Marti**: Give it up, honey. He's got a point.

**Jareth**: Addendum to previous email... Ways that Sarah can hurt my kingdom: (1) Wish away her brother. (2) Make cupcakes of doom.

**Danika**: You just don't know how to quit when you're ahead, do you?

**Marti**: No, he doesn't.

**Sarah**: Aaaarrrghh!! -_runs at Jareth with her arms out, aimed at his throat-_

**Jareth**: -_conveniently slows down time enough that he can get out this full sentence before she gets to him_- Are you _sure_ you want to do that? After all, last time it didn't work out _quite_ as you planned. Not that I didn't enjoy it, mind you, but there are no cookies to placate you this time, so you might be a bit less happy with it all.

**Sarah**: Stuff it! -_lunges_-

**Jareth**: -_grins_- I knew you liked it! -_snatches her with Fae speed (and a little bit of magic) from mid lunge, hands around her wrists, and wraps her into a squishy hug_- Hello again, Darling.

**Sarah**: -_glowers_- I hate you.

**Jareth**: -_stares at her with his crazy-gorgeous eyes_- ...really?

**Sarah**: -_can't muster enough conviction_- Eh... yes...?

**Marti**: -_snort_-

**Jareth**: -_leans his head towards her a little bit so that his soft hair brushes her and he can stare deeply into her eyes_- _...really?_

**Danika**: Oh, he's laying it _on_

**Sarah**: -_weakly_- ... yeah... something...

**Marti**: -_swooning_- Oh, I'm a sucker for fluff.

**Jareth**: -_closes his eyes and leans his forehead against hers, their noses brushing softly_- You really, _really_ hate me...?

**Sarah**: -_legs going limp, voice just a_ _whisper_- I... I dunno... you... maybe... -_eyes close and swallows hard_-

**Marti**: Oooh, he's good.

**Jareth**: -_releases his grip on her wrists and brings one hand up to lay along her throat, the other resting at the small of her back_- Because... if you really, _really_ hate me... I suppose I'll have to let you go...

**Danika**: He practices.

**Sarah**: -_breathing fast and trembling_- ... no...

**Marti**: And poor Sarah. She's in _my_ head... she's susceptible to all that romance. -_swoons_-

**Jareth**: -_draws back a little_- No? -_softly kisses her left temple-_ No you don't hate me? -_softly kisses her right temple_- Or no, don't let you go?

**Sarah**: -_breath hitches, fingers gently twist in the ruffles of his shirt_- ... no... don't let go...

**Marti**: Oh, her voice is going. Any minute now, she'll be beyond coherent speech. -_watches intently_-

**Jareth**: -_pulls her a little closer and buries his nose in her hair, puts a sad note in his voice-_ Then you do hate me?

**Sarah**: -_beyond words... shakes head a little, turning her face towards his, inching her mouth towards his_-

**Marti**: See? Yeah, she's gone. Completely gone. I blame myself.

**Jareth**: -_lowers his mouth to within millimeters of hers so that she can feel his breath on her lips_- Tell me you don't hate me. Tell me the truth.

**Danika**: You should blame yourself. You've made her one of your minions, Queen of Fluff.

**Sarah**: -_shaking all over_- ... n-no... I d-don't... -_lips trembling, fingers now twisted tightly in his shirt's ruffles_-

**Marti**: Really, I'm so at fault here. _I'm _eating this stuff up... she's just in my head. Of course, who knows what she'd do if she were in someone else's head.

**Jareth**: -_smirks wickedly_- I knew it.

**Danika**: Meh, in fairness, if it were _your_ Jareth, he'd have melted my Sarah into a... a useless pile of squee by now.

**Sarah**: -_holds his gaze with her large green eyes, a soft smile on her lips-_ ... you gonna smirk, or do somethin' 'bout it? -_releases his shirt and slowly snakes her arms up around his neck and into his hair, twisting it softly around her fingers_-

**Marti**: True. I really would love to do a collaboration for that in the future... see how quickly my Jareth could make her melt.

**Jareth**: -_looks momentarily stunned... then smirks and does something about it_-

**Danika**: Dude, we should probably go get lunch and leave these two alone. I think they need some private time.

**Sarah**: -_gives in, falls fully into his arms, tightening her hold around his neck and making a fist in his hair_- ... ...

**Marti**: Agreed. I'd rather not eat with _her_ in my head right now, anyway. She's trouble. Meet you downstairs.

xXx

**Danika's Note (totally copied and pasted from FM:BtS): **So here's the deal... We're not trying to be review whores here, but FaeMail: Behind the Scenes and FaeMail: Outtakes are posted completely for the benefit of y'all. They're not related to the main story and they take time away from our concentration on the main story. Your reviews show us that you are interested and that that time is not wasted. As it is, between work, school and FaeMail (there is NOTHING else), Danika is getting about four hours of sleep a night. Thus wasted time is not to be tolerated.

So unless we see a bit more interest shown in FM:BtS and FM:OT, we'll probably stop updating these until F:F:FM is completely finished. Let us know what you think. (Or don't. Which does. That only makes sense because it's after midnight.)


	6. Dancing Banana Hammock?

**Disclaimer: **None of the authors involved in this story claim ownership of _Labyrinth_ or any of the characters originally found within.

xXx

**Danika's Note: **Sometime during the Toby fiasco story-wise. This is a direct follow-up to the last chapter (Hatred). Sarah and Jareth in our heads tend to be more amorous the more we separate them in FaeMail.

xXx

**Danika**: Uuugh. Quick, distract me.

**Marti**: BANANA!!

**Sarah**: -_comes up for air_- ... Jareth?

**Marti**: Crap. They're back.

**Danika**: Hammock?

**Jareth**: -_stares into space looking pleased and dazed_-

**Marti**: Dancing banana.

**Sarah**: I'll try again. -_coughs and sweetly bats eyes_- Oh, Jareth??

**Danika**: Ew, you're a pervert.

**Jareth**: -_blinks back into reality and purrs_- Yes, Princess?

**Marti**: I am not. You were the one that wanted to switch Jagger out with a dancing banana, in the video. That's what I'm talking about.

**Sarah**: -_giggles_- Hmm. I just wanted to tell you...

**Danika**: Oh great! Can I borrow your toothbrush? I need to wash my brain. Now I have Jagger dancing in a banana hammock up there. Ew.

**Jareth**: -_strokes her hair_- ...yes, Princess?

**Marti**: Wait, what? Banana... hammock...? EW!! THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!! OH, YOU ARE SICK!!

**Sarah**: ... -_grins wickedly_- You have a bunch of bubblegum in your hair. Nice and gooey.

**Danika**: TOTALLY your fault. -_pulls toothbrush out of her ear_- You want this back?

**Jareth**: -_blinks_- ...huh?

**Marti**: Uh, no.

**Sarah**: Well... I knew you would, you know, have ulterior motives when you were trying to seduce me. So, in case you dropped the sweet act, like you did, I had a wad of gum saved in my pocket. You weren't just being sweet for the sake of sweetness... so now you have gum in your hair. -_bats eyes_-

**Danika**: Probably a good choice.

**Jareth**: -gives _her the kicked-puppy-dog look (yeah, you know the one)_- Dropped the sweet act? You mean by being happy that I was right about your not hating me?

**Sarah**: -_falters momentarily_- -_coughs_- Well, you just wanted me to admit it, didn't you? And you were all smug about it. Hence, the gum. Dude, had you gone straight to the kiss and not gloated, you wouldn't have this problem, now.

**Jareth**: -_looks away_- If I _just_ wanted you to admit it, I certainly would not have... I would have simply hung you over the Bog by your toes or something. I was _not_ gloating. I was... exulting.

**Sarah**: -_blinks_- ... what?

**Marti**: Oh, he's good. He's very good. She's sucked in again.

**Jareth**: I was just... so... happy to hear you say you didn't hate me. -_shrugs_-

**Danika**: -_nods_- He can't help it. He gets it from the Bo.

**Sarah**: Well... I... you know I don't, right? And... and... -_reaches out and turns his chin so he's looking at her again, gives him a small smile_- I'm sorry about the gum.

**Marti**: Oh, she's... she's... doomed.

**Jareth**: -_doesn't struggle against her hand, but keeps his eyes downcast_- You put gum in my hair while I'm kissing you and tell me you don't hate me?

**Danika**: And he has such pretty hair... gasp! What if we have to cut it out?!

**Sarah**: -_strokes his cheek_- No, I put it in your hair before you kissed me. I didn't think you would kiss me. I'll help you get it out. -_blushes and bites lip_- You really know how to kiss a girls socks off, you know.

**Marti**: We won't have to. It'll come out if we freeze it. It's only a little, anyway. Heck, can't he magic it away? Dude... he's got her eating out of the palm of his hands. -_smacks face_-

**Jareth**: -_snorts_- As if anyone could resist with _you_ in their arms. -_finally meets her eyes_- You'll get it out?

**Danika**: You know his magic doesn't work on sugar. Silly.

**Sarah**: Of course I will. -_holds up to show empty hands, then snakes arms around his neck_- Forgive me?

**Marti**: Ah. Well... then... is he really just being sweet? I mean... it's sugar free gum.

**Jareth**: -_hesitates, biting his lip_-

**Danika**: Ooh, lip bitey... Everything is about ulterior motives with you, isn't it??

**Sarah**: -_nuzzles the end of his nose with hers_- Please?

**Marti**: Lip bitey. Ooh. Well, it is Jareth, after all. You know these two are ridiculously devious.

**Jareth**: No more gum?

**Danika**: Ridiculously devious, yes. But he's also clearly smitten to doom with her.

**Sarah**: -_lays soft kiss on the end of his nose and whispers_- No more gum.

**Marti**: Oy. She fights it, but he really makes her swoon like nothing else. They are clearly the other's undoing.

**Jareth**: -_hesitantly puts his arms around her waist_- Promise?

**Marti**: Clearly.

**Sarah**: -_rests cheek on his and whispers into his ear_- I promise. -_nuzzles ear_-

**Marti**: Good heavens. What is it with us channeling all the fluff, today? Pshaw.

**Jareth**: -_whimpers a little_- My _hair_, Sarah. Why my hair?

**Danika**: I think it's unavoidable. They're like... magnets, drawn together. We're forcing them apart in FF:FM. They have to vent somewhere. Did you notice? The better they're getting along in the story, the more they argue here. Now there's this big blowup boiling and... Is Jareth trembling? Dude, he's trembling.

**Sarah**: -_closes her eyes and buries her face in his neck while stroking his cheek-_ Because... I don't know. I love your hair. -_turns and kisses his neck_- I'm so sorry.

**Marti**: I suppose it is a balance. Gosh, though, the sweetness is... overpowering. But, I can't stop it! She's out of my control, like usual. Urgh. Even I, the fluff Queen, is having a hard time swallowing this.

**Jareth**: -_crumbles_- I forgive you... of course. -_pulls her close_- But your brother said you make fun of my hair.

**Danika**: You're telling me!! I don't think I've _ever_ written this fluffy.

**Sarah**: -_snuggling against him_- Well, of course I said that. Couldn't exactly tell him how much I adore it, could I? He's young... he wouldn't understand in the least how I find it to be so... alluring and sexy on you. -_fingers a lock of his hair_-

**Marti**: I know! I'm rather surprised that your teeth haven't combusted or something. This is... is... toothache-sweet. The fluff is running extremely high.

**Jareth**: -_lowers his head to nibble her earlobe_- Better than balding Rob?

**Danika**: _Combusted_?! That nearly made my brain combust. And I'm sorry, but Sarah's line about Jareth's hair? Totally made me think of Jasmine describing Jafar's beard.

**Sarah**: -_giggles and tilts head to allow him better access_- Most definitely...

**Marti**: I KNOW it did. _I _didn't write it, she did! I tried talking her into something else, but... neither of us had a better idea, and she was impatient. It was the best she could do with the current proximity to him.

**Jareth**: -_moves down to kiss her neck below her ear_- And you don't think I'm a... what was your word? A _fop_?

**Danika**: -_snort_- Jareth so melts her brain.

**Sarah**: Tangling fingers in his hair Oh... I think you _can_ be, just as I can be a drama queen... but you most definitely aren't one right now... mmmm...

**Marti**: Guilt by association... he melts mine a little, too.

**Jareth**: -_twitches nervously when her fingers tangle in his hair but presses on, trailing kisses down to the base of her neck_- I _like_ drama queens.

**Danika**: ...yeah. I'm writing the bugger and he's getting to me.

**Sarah**: -_gasps and gets goose bumps all over while she moves her hands down and grips his shoulders_- Good... I'm glad... and you do make an adorable fop...

**Marti**: Dude. Yeah. Brain-meltdown. I'm even getting it from Sarah's reactions here.

**Jareth**: -_growls softly into her skin and lightly brushes her with his teeth_- And you make a lovely drama queen... especially when you're lunging for my throat with your bare hands.

**Danika**: ...Yeah. They're... uh... yeah.

**Sarah**: Hmm... you think so? -_slips one had through his hair to trace his ear lightly_- Might have to do that more often...

**Marti**: ... uh... yeah...

**Jareth**: -_smiles against her neck and gives her a little nip_- Maybe next time I'll even let you get your hands on me.

**Danika**: ... -_nods-_

**Sarah**: -_flushes red and is breathless_- Mmm. Sounds like fun... you know... you keep missing a spot...

**Marti**: ...

**Jareth**: -_arches a brow_- Am I?

**Danika**: ... -_nods_-

**Sarah**: Mm-hmm. Right here. -_Grabs him behind his head and pulls his mouth to hers, kissing him fully_-

**Marti**: ...insert brain implosion here

**Jareth**: -_chortles happily and presses her up against the wall that seems to have magically appeared behind her despite the fact that they're on an infinite, featureless email plane_-

**Danika**: We've got to stop them... they'll kill us both...

**Sarah**: -_makes a pleased sound in the back of her throat and uses the wall as leverage to hitch one leg up around his waist_-

**Marti**: Um... this is getting... dangerous. O.O;;;

**Jareth**: -_comes up for air momentarily and stares at her_- Sarah...

**Danika**: Oh my gosh, how bizarre is it that they're at each other's throats in one half of my brain and... sticking their _tongues_ down each other's throats in the other? I think this is going to give me brain damage.

**Sarah**: -_stares dazedly at him, breathless_- Hmmm?

**Marti**: -_grumbles_- Stupid brain damage.

**Jareth**: -_growls fiercely_- _My_ Sarah. -_kisses her again_-

**Sarah**: -_squeals with delight_-

**Jareth**: -_grins_- You're adorable.

**Sarah**: -_giggles_- You're amazing.

**Jareth**: -_smirks and rolls his eyes_- At the risk of sounding predictable; I know.

**Sarah**: -_purrs_- You're very sexy when you smirk... but you probably know that too.

**Jareth**: -_closes his eyes and tightens his grip on her_- You're... _irresistable_ when you purr.

**Sarah**: Mmm, good to know. -_squeezes him tightly, turning her head and placing a kiss against his throat_-

**Marti**: Oh, for petesake! (and yes, I'm making that a new word, spell check be damned!) I'm trying to get out of here!! GOSH!!

**Jareth**: -_leans his head back as he trails his fingers lightly up and down her sides-_ Can I reorder time to stay here forever? You _know_ that they're going to make us start yelling at each other again soon.

**Danika**: Not my fault. So not my fault. His fault.

**Sarah**: -_nips at his collarbone_- Nope, not yet. But remember, we have all the time they're gone, you know... hours... and hours... all night, even. -_pauses to look up at him_-

**Marti**: AAAAAHHHHH!! I'M OUT OF HERE!! OH, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU TWO DO, JUST STAY HERE SO I CAN GO HOME IN PEACE!! AAAAAHHHHH -_RUNS_-

**Jareth**: -_smirks... sexily_-


End file.
